The Other Side of the Struggle

 

My husband's struggle with Kidney disease ended in April and here I am now in a new town, new home and new surroundings and still I'm grappling with his loss.

These past couple of months have been a whole lot of change in a short period of time which has tested my resolve but I will not abandon my faith nor let it waiver.

As we have entered into the holiday months I am going through the motions as I experience my " firsts' without him. 

I do good for awhile but then the tears come like rain. If they're small I call it a shower but if its not it's a full out storm. 

I have sought out others who have suffered loss or read books on loss and grief and even searched the Scriptures but sometimes my heart has no relief. 

I will sometimes silently struggle to keep my sadness at bay to maintain normalcy for my adult son who Struggles with AS. and is extremely sensitive to change he can't understand or control. 

As you can see I'm a paradox between human emotion and spiritual faith. 

I pray in this coming year I can begin to see a little sun through the clouds surrounding my heart and feel like I can breath once again.